Friday, August 31, 2012

"Project X" Review

Keep dreaming. This is Project X!

    I hate this movie. I'm serious. No special opening or whatever. This is the worst movie I've seen all year. Move aside This Means War, Project X has out terribled you. I haven't seen a movie this awful in a long time. The fact that this movie is more offensive than Nazis at the Center of the Earth, a movie with a forced vacuum-cleaner abortion and zombie rape is really saying something.
    The film follows three of the most horrible people that every existed, nerdy Thomas (Thomas Mann), personality-less JB (Jonathan Daniel Brown) and the incredibly offensive Jewish stereotype that is Costa (Oliver Cooper). They aren't very popular, so while Thomas's parents are out of town, they decide to throw a huge party to become cool. They get tech-guy Dax (Dax Flame) to film the party and Thomas's close friend Kirby (Kirby Bliss Blanton) comes as well. As the party goes out of control, the kids live it up, tasing a neighbor asking them to quiet down so his newborn baby can sleep, treating women (including Thomas's crush Alexis (Alexis Knapp) and Kirby) like dirt and even setting the entire neighborhood on fire.

Less of this...
    The characters deserve to have something very painful happen to regions of their body which I cannot name and keep my PG rating. Costa deserves special marks as the singular worst film character in the last decade. The directors wanted unknowns to start in the film and I wish they had left Oliver Cooper in whatever small-town he lived in. He "delivers" the worst acting I have seen this year. His character is so despicable and foul that you actively wish he dies a horrific death on-screen just so you can feel better. 
     Keeping in line with the offensive, deplorable feel of the movie, the directors should have to apologize to all women everywhere. Women in this film aren't people. They're the things boobs get around on. A large portion of the female characters in this film are extras and most of the extras spend their time topless in the swimming pool. Alexis Knapp's sole purpose is to get topless in a sex scene with Thomas. Even the only actual female "character", Kirby, gets a rather creepy slow pan down her body after she gets out of the pool, fully clothed mind you. Because that's all women are good for. Their boobs! Also, it pretty much says that all little people are angry and destructive. So, there's that. 
     But let's put aside the offensiveness. Let's put aside the awful characters. Is this the party of the century? Yes, probably. It is a completely insane looking party that was probably a lot of fun. And that's the problem. This movie is the equivalent to watching a friends play an awesome video game. Playing it is a helluva lot more fun that watching someone else to it. Regardless of the bad acting, the plain unfunniness of the movie and the misogynistic portrayal of women,  Project X is one boring movie. 
    And it could have been good too. Had the characters realized that the party was out of hand and desperately tried to stop it, it could have been good. In fact, I think that'd make a great movie. It could be really funny and interesting. But, alas,it's not to be. Instead, the characters cause millions in property damage, find themselves in huge amounts of debt, ruin there relationships with their parents, ruining any chance of getting into college, get badly injured and even get arrested. But hey, now they're popular in school, so it's all okay, right? God, this movie sucks.

...and more of this.
    Project X comes off as less of a movie and more like the writers wanted to throw a really big party and get a lot of young girls naked. Which perfectly captures the downright creepy and misogynistic nature of the film. Combine that with the horrible acting, terrible writing, painful lack of humor, utterly boringness of the film, the terrible message and the awful characters, and you get the worst movie of 2012. Project X gets a half a star out of 6.

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