Sunday, December 11, 2011

"Wild Wild West" Review


    Every now and again a movie is able to stand the test of time. A select few movies, capable of be being just as good, if not better, then when it first came out. The Godfather is still making us an offer we can't refuse. Back to the Future is still taking us through time. Ghostbusters still has us asking who we're gonna call. So, does Wild Wild West stand the test of time. Why, yes it's still god awful. Thank you for asking.

    Wild Wild West was a 1999 crap-fest starring Will Smith as the "cleverly-named" Jim West, Kevin Kline as Gordon Something, Kenneth Branagh as the over-the-top villain Loveless and Selma Hayek as a whore. Based off of the 1965-1969 television series of the same name, the film follow the story of two secret agent in the late 1800s as they try to stop somebody from killing the president.
   Where to begin. Almost every aspect of this movie is a complete failure. The acting, the writing, the story, the humor. Oh god, the humor. The plot is complete horse-crap. the film make hardly any attempt to make sure people know what's going on. Many important plot points a thrust aside for more goofy slapstick. Semla Hayek character serves absolutely no purpose in this film, other than letting us see her ass. Not enough of the characters backstories are delved into, getting us just superficial looks into who these people are. There is really just no reason to care about what's going on other than you paid for it, you might as well finish it.
                                      The exact moment they realized how awful this movie was.

    The characters, as I meant above, are extremely underdeveloped. Smith and Kline's partnership is awful. The two really don't have chemistry. They begin the movie not liking each other and end the movie not liking each other. The characters don't learn from each other. Kline never uses a gun and Smith never really embraces Kline's gadgets. Yes, Smith does dress up like a woman, but it doesn't do anything he could have done without the drag. And yes, Kline does use a gun, but he uses it as a gadget that I could have sworn Smith had. The female characters aren't even characters, they're sexual objects. They all dress like sluts and serve no purpose in the movie. Hayek seems like she was playing both the heroes and the villains, but nope, she's just a whore.
    The "humor" is so slapstick it's, literally, not even funny. When I though of where I had seems this kind if slapstick before I thought of Inspector Gadget, Scooby-Doo and Alvin and the Chipmunks. The flim really does seem like a live-action cartoon for 8-year olds on sugar highs. The goofy gadgets, the repeated use of the words 'fake boobies", the fact that all the characters fall down and go boom at one point or another all make the film feel so stupid. It tries to establish this steampunk wild west world, but it just comes off as corny and lame.

                   "Ha, ha I'm evil. Ha, I am so evil. Ho ho ho. Did I mention I'm evil. I'm evil. Ha ha ha."

    Overall, what Wild Wild West needs is a good old dose of subtlety. Everything from the characters to the gadgets to the humor is so in your face it physically hurts. There is never a quiet moment where the film takes a break from the goofy, loud action to develop the characters or story more. It's like an awful Looney Tunes cartoon came to life and ruined our days. In the end, Wild Wild West is so goofy and underdeveloped it just goes nowhere fast.  It's 2 out of 6.

P.S. the song isn't very good either.


  1. Who'd you think?December 13, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    why'd they do this to will smith????


  2. Oh lord, I saw this when I was 6 or so and loved it. Now I have to watch it again, haha

  3. Jon Peter's a fucked up dude. He must be smoking weed. Check this out to see what I mean. Wild Wild West is mentioned by the way.