Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Special: Little Drummer Boy Review

    Ah, the holidays are almost here. The season of joy, giving and Christmas cheer. Carols get us into the spirit. Leave it the Bieber to make us hear it. He's made an album of Christmas wonder. He won't let things like skill or talent steal his thunder. Off this album comes a cover. Of Little Drummer Boy, as we discover. With Busta Ryhmes helping to spread the joy. Trust me, I'll try not to be coy. I vowed to in this review not to be spiteful. Oh, oh, how delightful.

     I used to think that the original Little Drummer Boy was a near-perfect Christmas song. But Justin Bieber felt that the original was missing something all along. "Why, rapping of course,", he said with glee. "With this song, I'll get plenty of presents under my tree." He got Busta Rhymes with the blackmail he did. Now they've made this song, which must be rid.
    The song opens the same as the first. "A new born king" for better of for worst. Bieber "pa rum pum pum pums" in a whining moan. It's must make all the listeners groan and groan. The rapping noise begins. Oh, the rapping noise, noise, noise is an absolute sin.
    The music has no rhythm, no sense. Whoever wrote the music must be dense. It's loud and annoying. It's lame and stupid and I am not enjoying. The lyrics are even worse. They all make me want to curse.
    "Playing for the king, playin' for the title." It's little more than a Christmas recital. Cutesy, text-book, nursery rhymes. I've heard better rhymes from rusty wind chimes. "I'm surprised you didn't hear this in the bible". I'm pretty sure that's some kind of libel. Bieber here say he should be in the good book. I for one won't give him another look. "I go stupid, stupid". Yes, you are stupid, stupid. "I have no gift to bring". You also don't have the gift to sing. "I am a poor boy", Who told you that, you filthy rich ploy.
    Busta Rhymes comes in the song. God, I wish it wasn't this long. "Homie Bieber hit me on the twitter". That explains why you're on this song about as much as making a lice transmitter. "I'm pulling on a chinchilla" Say again, Mr. Manilla. Since when, did Chinchillas become clothes? Right after they made shoes out of Godzilla's nose? "Let's make this holiday a little bigger". Uhhh.... pass.
    Gah, Bieber's back. Let's finish this before we all crack. "All the people on the street without food, it's not fair". Congratulations, Captain Hair. You pointed out the obvious. Next you'll be saying Hitler was a little ambitious. "There's a family out cold, wishin' they could have somebody to hold". Or, more likely food and shelter from what I'm told.
    And with that the song ends. That was awful, let's not pretend. It's had no spirit, no soul. The song is just out to spoil. It ruins a classic with the crappy beats. The song is about as warm and heartfelt as getting kicked in the face with cleats. It's stupid, it lame, it's all around crappy. Let's forget this song, and let's make it snappy.
    With that, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa too. Its the season of joy, so don't be rude. Santa is watching wherever you go. Don't be mean, because he'll always know. Remember that gifts are great and TV specials are nice. But family's at the heart of these day and these nights. Have fun and be careful. Eat a lot and be joyful. Be of good cheer, because Christmas is near. There is nothing to fear, because this really is the most wonderful time of the year.

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