Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Undefined Gamer: "Scooby-Doo! and the Spooky Swamp" Wii-View

I am hilarious.

      You might be wondering why I'm reviewing this game. Well, it's a game.
I'm the Gamer, and I've reviewed so little games here, so yeah I guess
you can blame guilt. I didn't buy it, god no, yet I've played through
it over and over nevertheless.
      Let me explain. My sister is Scooby-Doo obsessed. She's only 10, so a
full on E rated Wii game is a little out of her range, so I tend to
get stuck beating it for her. As I'm aware there are parents reading
this blog, or perhaps small children (because this blog is so E
rated), I see you guys might get use for this blog.
      The game has two primary missions, one in a mountain resort, Howling
Peak, where Daphne's cousin works, and El Muncho, an abandoned Mexican
town where an old friend who the gang knows, Costington, lives in a
Mexican version of a mansion. In between missions, you meet up at your
clubhouse in the swamp, and hidden areas behind your swamp are
revealed once you beat certain missions.
      The first Mission, or Mystery, is in El Muncho, where you are
immediately thrown in jail by the cowboylike Sheriff. You escape, to
see the town overrun by Zombie Banditos. Eventually you find
Costington, who is standing outside of his house (Zombies are in his
house), after you meet the Mexican grave keeper twins, who spend time
in and out of jail for unknown reasons. Costington has a butler who
fails at driving out the zombies, leaving it to you. Through some not
so clever detective work you find out the Masked Bandito (whose
weapons is water guns btw, which actually is a good thing in the
middle of the desert!) is the... Sheriff!
      In each mystery, there are supernatural enemies such as zombies,
flaming wrestlers, evil snowman, and yeti babies. The strange thing
is, each villain acts alone, and you actually kill these villains
(Scooby Snacks pop out of them and they explode. What the f*ck am I (E-Rated!- CW)
playing?), and almost no reference is made to them after you've beaten
them. So I guess when people leave a town, zombies just... happen. And
yes, snow monsters live in Canada.
Velma's giving him the... cold shoulder.
      The story is nothing great as you can tell. In between mysteries,
Shaggy and Scooby run off to new areas in the swamp to find a swamp
witch, who has been... stalking you. She demands different ingredients
while the mission goes on, which is just a bullshit way of adding
bonus missions. The ingredients to what, you might ask? Turns out
they're for her giant pet alligator. No, you are not high, you just
read right. There was a giant alligator living behind the gang's
treehouse all the time!
      You can play as everybody, and they each get their own special
attacks. Scooby has a sausage whip and walks on his hind legs (...),
Shaggy gets a slingshot in which he uses to sling glowing green stuff
he reloads from his... back pocket, Velma hurls an endless amount of
books at people, Daphne can kick people, and Fred can punch anybody
(punching Daphne is fun (:(- CW)). There are also special zones only each
character can go through (i.e. a doggy door for Scooby).
      The gameplay... is basically this: Kill waves of random foes, solve
easy puzzles, and collect the items they tell you to get. No special
controls or battle sequences, no clever use of the Wiimote's motion
controls, no minigames, just kill shit with 6 attacks and solve
puzzles to get to the next areas where you will kill more shit. Not so
innovative, but if it was fun, great. It's not. The
sprites look awful, the gameplay is boring and repetitive, the
soundtrack doesn't work, the story is non-existent, this game is not
thought through, my feet hurt, and babies are dying in Africa!
      This game is a waste of two hours! Clearly this was just an easy cash
grab for Warner, marketing it exclusively off of Scooby Doo!'s
When did Shaggy become a girl?
      Buy this game.
      If you're ten and love Scooby Doo!
      This is the reason why I've played it so many times: her. This game
has killed easily whole weeks of her life despite its 2 hour playtime.
It may not be any good, but it sure as hell will keep little children
at bay. It's like jingling keys over an infants' face to stop them
from crying, except those keys are set in a 10 hour Youtube loop.
Something about it is like a Young Scooby Doo fans' crack.
      If you are 11 or older though, beware.

Scooby Doo! and the Spooky Swamp gets a very shiny one star out of six

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