Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Undefined Gamer: "Johan Hex" Review

 Btw, I have passed 100 reviews. Yay for me.
      Jonah Hex is based off of the DC Comic of the same name, centering
around Jonah, a supernatural gunslinger. Honestly, I haven't read the
comic. I knew Jonah Hex solely off of his 20 minute short included in
the Batman: Under the Red Hood DVD. To be honest, it doesn't matter,
but needless to say I'm no expert on whether or not the movie is
faithful to the graphic novel.
      Here's the deal. Jonah fought for the South during the Civil War
under General Turnball. Turnball was nuts, so Jonah decided to break
orders, inadvertently killing Turnball's son, Jed. So Turnball hunts
him down, and kills Jonah's Native American wife and kid, forcing him
to watch the horrific scene. He then brands his face, and lets him go,
confident that Jonah won't mess with him again. Jonah literally cuts
out the part of his face that Turnball branded, and is later revived
by Indians.
      Somehow Jonah gained supernatural powers (he can talk to the dead,
is almost impossible to shoot). Afterwards, Jonah stalked Turnball
until he supposedly perished in a fire. Afterwards, Jonah became an
assassin, with the aid of his black gun smith.... Smith. With a
machine gun wielding horse, and modern weapons, Jonah made a living
bringing in criminals dead or alive, while having a relationship with
prostitute Meagan Fox.
      Turns out Turnball didn't die. It just so happens he's still
pissed at the North, and he knows where Eli Whitney's design for a
superweapon (because Eli Whitney made superweapons!). This weapon was
basically an ordinary cannon that fired shells, that only blew up when
coming into contact with a dragon ball (look for yourself, it's
actually pretty cool).
It's a face-off! Get it?
      Knowing this, President Grant hires Jonah Hex to hunt down
Turnball. Man, Grant really was too trusting....
      Jonah accepts.
      The rest of his movie is Jonah Hex's quest to kill Turnball.
Eventually, Turnball kidnaps Meagan Fox and gets Eli Whitney's
blueprints, constructing the superweapon and planning on using it on
Washington D.C. during the United States's centennial.
      Jonah kills the man who killed his family, saves Fox, kills
Turnball (ironically making him watch as his Dragon Ball exploded),
and overall saves the day.
      Jonah's character is very different from the short. For one,
Jonah seems way too ignorant and not all that clever. That may be
fine, being he's an assassin and an antihero, but if you'd ask me to
pick Movie Jonah or Cartoon Jonah, Cartoon Jonah would win every time.
Megan Fox, doing what
she does best.
      The movie isn't great. It reminds me of another Comic-based
Western, Cowboys vs. Aliens, and has the same style if the Ghost Rider
movies (lots of plot, strong language, not too great writing,
desperately trying to be badass but almost working), yet I feel that
Jonah Hex is a notch above Ghost Rider. Parts of it are surely lots if
fun, and the movie never enturely trips over itself like GR does. It's
worth a watch (mainly because it's short), though it might not have
much of an impression on you.
Johan Hex gets 3 and a half stars out of 6.

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