Wednesday, November 13, 2013

If D.C. and Warner Bros. Made Marvel Movies

      With the recent release of the still very comic-booky feeling Marvel Studios film Thor: The Dark World and the new for Warner Bros. Batman/Superman still sounding not very promising, I was wonder what would happen if Warner Bros. was in charge of making the Marvel movies and series we know and love today. Most likely, it's dark, gritty and completely missing the point of the character.

Iron Beginnings

      Iron Beginnings follows Tony Stark, who when he was young saw his parents disappear and never return. Now, leading his family's weapons-dealing Stark Industries into the ground with his alcoholic ways, he finds himself in the middle of a devastating attack by someone seeking revenge on him. After his recovery and fearful of another attack, he manages to create a exoskeleton that allows him limited flight and super strength. Using it to take revenge and hunt down his attacker, he discovers that it's actually his father, Howard and is forced to face his demons. Will he stop drinking? Can he stop his father? Can he be the hero we deserve. Yes, but it will take three films and he'll be really grumpy about it. For the second one, Man of Iron, he falls in love with Potts, who dies halfway through to make people kinda sorta sad-ish and face off against Justin Hammer, a psychotic former rival Stark put out of business, who hires Ivan Vanko, another psycho who kinda sorta is threatening but not really. In the third movie, Man of Iron Climbs, he quits being a superhero because it gets kinda hard, re-trains, comes back, fights the Mandarin, who's a totally straightforward character with no twists whatsoever that takes over a city, loses, re-trains, fights again, learns at the least minutes that it was really obviously his new friend Killian all along, wins and finally smiles. The audience will see it no matter what, so who cares. NOTE: If any other movies fail, put Stark in. It will always fix it. No matter what. Never change the formula. Ever.


      Banner follows scrawny scientist Bruce Banner, who in an attempt to win the love of Betty, injects himself with steroids that were accidentally irradiated with Gamma Radiation, making it so whenever his gets angry, his eyes turn green and he goes on a rampage using enhanced strength and invulnerability. Unable to control himself, he kidnaps Betty and goes on the run from the military, including Betty's father. Betty eventually falls for Bruce because that's how women work, but she dies halfway through. Banner gets mad and attacks. So, the military injects a soldier with even more of the steroids and send him out after Banner. But then the new soldier calls himself The Monster and attacks everything he can because he's bad and thats what bad guys do. Banner stops him and goes on the run once again to try and learn how to control himself. He could really easily and it's be cool, but we could drag this story out over several films, so we'll do that instead.


      Asgard is a crime organization deep in New York City. It's run by Odin, who's given everyone codenames based on Norse mythology because mythology was his favorite subject in school. His sons, Thor (Real name Blake) and Loki help him run the organization. Loki plans the deals and crimes and Thor and his fearsome five friends (All male)  act as the muscle and commit the crimes. When Thor attacks a rival organization on his own, he is cast out to New Jersey, where he meets a young woman named Jane, who's researching organized crime. Falling for her, he turns back on his evil ways. But when Loki kills Jane halfway through, Thor swears revenge against Asgard. Odin dies from mystery illness and Loki sends out hired goon the Destroyer to kill Thor. The fearsome five return and help Thor. Thor wins and defeats Loki, who jumps into the East River. Thor then vows to help clean up the streets in honor of Jane. For the sequel Asgard Into Darkness, he meets a new girl named Sif, who gets infected with a virus that is wanted by the evil former New York organized crime leader Mal. Sif dies halfway through, but Thor stops Mal and the virus and faces Loki again, who this time fakes his death because fans will get oddly attached to him.

The Captain

      The Captain follows Steve Rogers, who thanks to an experimental drug known as Super, is able to join the army in WWII. During the war, he helps save many people and defeats notorious germany general Schmidt, but his friend Bucky and love Carter both die halfway through. After the war, Rogers is left homeless and, suffering from PTSD, he puts on his old military uniform and goes looking for citizens to help. While out on patrol, he discover Schmidt is alive, with a horrible burned face, calling himself Red, because now he's communist. Red is after a cube of sapphire that is worth millions. Rogers eventually is able to stop Red on a flight to Antarctica where it is located, but the plane crashes, freezing Rogers and keeping him alive for 70 years, a process will overly-explain very thoroughly.He's ultimately brought back to serve with the new military organization Shield, which stands for nothing. He's happy to be fighting again.

Marvel's Agents

      Airing on The CW, Marvel's Agents follows a group of teenage boys who Shield for some reason, hires to help with cases relating to crime and mild super heroics. One is a hacker, two a nerds and best friends, two can fight and one will be a supporting character from one of the movies to make it legitimate. They will all be dealing with a new secret that will be kept each week, struggle with angst, stay in dark places where the sun doesn't exist and never once refer to anything by it's actually name or wear uniforms that superheros would normally air. Each episode will deal with either one character struggling to keep their secret or a villain who is in organized crime and that's it. It will last for ten seasons, but should only really need three or four.

The Avengers

      Like that would happen.

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