Thursday, January 16, 2014

The Undefined Gamer:"The Pregnancy Pact" Review

Lifetime made a movie about a group of teens agreeing to get pregnant.
It sucks. That's all that I have to say.

      This movie was doomed from the start. A stupid concept with powerful
intentions, this movie was supposed to be an eye-opener to the
ugliness of teen pregnancy. That's easy.
      Too easy for Lifetime to handle.
      Simply to say, Lifetime communicated its message in the worst possible
way. Hiring actors straight from the grocery store, Lifetime presents
us with a group of bland, stupid, stupid girls. We also meet ______, a
bland blogger, former teen mom, and resident of ____town.
      Yeah, I know this isn't getting off to a good start. Honestly, I'm too
scared to check back and search for everyone's names. Nothing stuck. I
honestly don't think my brain cells can take another barrage of this
dog puke, so I hereby charge Cinema Won with scouring that
battlefield. (Yeah, no- CW)
      Zero Stars out of Six.
      OK, fine, I'll tell you why.
      The concept is just plain... stupid, and poorly executed. Why would a
group of high school girls agree to willingly get pregnant? You got
me, because it was barely explained!
      Why should we care about these characters? We don't! Each character is
notably flat due to the hot steamy bonding of terrible writing and bad
(child?) actors.
      Mindless Bot, I mean, Fan: Want to elaborate on this? Details hmm?
      Me: No. Honestly, there's no need to delve deep into the plot of this
one because it can be summed up in words: Nothing Works.
      Whether a piece works or not is the most important factor when
reviewing something. It's very hard to grade a movie poorly if it
gives itself a set goal and it reaches it. The Avengers is no literary
masterpiece, but Joss Whedon never intended it to be one.
      The Pregnancy Pact simply doesn't work in any way, shape or form. It's
a trainwreck with nothing salvageable.
      The only thing positive I can say about this film is that I didn't die
while watching it.
The Pregnancy Pact gets 0 stars out of 6

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