Monday, January 27, 2014

Review 238: "I, Frankenstein"

You, bad movie.
Me, no surprised.

I, No Frankenstein

      I, Frankenstein is a 2014 film based on a comic book series by Kevin Grevioux, who also acts in the film. The movie is written and directed by Stuart Beattie (Tomorrow, When the War Began) and follows Adam AKA Frankenstein's Monster (Aaron Eckhart) as he finds himself caught in a war between demons and gargoyles. Yes, seriously. The gargoyle queen (Miranda Otto) wants Adam to find out what demon leader Prince Naberius (Bill Nighy) is up to, but neither her right-hand man (Jai Courtney) nor Adam like that idea. But when Adam takes a liking to scientist Terra (Yvonne Strahovski) , he begins to take a stand. And lucky for us, we get to watch. Oh, hooray. 

Oh hi, Jim Carrey.
I, No Smart Frankenstein

      Okay look, nobody really thought that I, Frankenstein was gonna be that lone film from January that everybody loves. Hell, it didn't even look that good in the trailers. But still, the story of Frankenstein's monster fighting demons alongside gargoyles with the help of Sarah from Chuck in order to stop a guy named Naberius seemed like good, goofy fun. But man, this movie is too stupid even for that. This may be one of the downright dumbest films I've seen in theaters in a LONG time. Here's a movie where characters completely straight faced blurt out that they need to save the gargoyle queen and stop the undead demon horde. And it manages to honestly impress me with how dumb it can actually get. The characters are about as poorly written as it gets. The gargoyles flip flop with whether or not they trust Adam in almost every other scene. And they tell us they keep their war secret and scold Adam for attacking demons in the open... only to then have a massive battle with the demons in a public street where the dead demons burst into fireballs and the dead gargoyles burst into white little beacons, all while in front of their giant fortress covered in spikes in the middle of the city. Yeah, somebody remind the gargoyles what secret means...

I, No Smart Good Frankenstein

      But by far the worst problem with I, Frankenstein is not that it's stupid, but that it's just bad stupid. It's not so bad it's good nor is it bad in a spectacular way. It just flat out sucks. Mostly because the film is so lifeless and by the numbers that it gets to be numbingly boring. Even with a fairly strong cast and a fun lead performance by Eckhart, the film just can muster up any real entertainment value. Or any value for that matter. Plus, why are we still letting Jai Courtney do... anything? Surely this should have stopped with A Good Day to Die Hard. I was always waiting for the film to get going. About 50 minutes in and I still waited to the plot to start. But then it hits you. The demons trying to steal Frankenstein's journal is the plot. And that's it. And you still have 40 minutes left. And then you get sad.

The dance number was a bit much.
I, No Smart Good Frankenstein Verdict

      I, Frankenstein might not be the worst film ever. Hell, it's better than the worst January movie from last year. But it's still incredibly stupid, and not in a fun way either. Despite nifty effects, a good setting and a solid cast, the film can't get passed a dumb as nails script, awful characters and a story that goes nowhere. Unfortunately for all the fan's of the story, this Frankenstein is one monster of a dud. I, Frankenstein gets 2 stars out of 6. 

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